Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
