But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
