and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
