If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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