bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
