yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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