No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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