fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is Oprah even human
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
