Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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