So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
