is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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