just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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