College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
