Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
