my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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