You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
