And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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