Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
