I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
