She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
