dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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