I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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