STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
