Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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