3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pants are for mortals
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
