Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
