I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
