Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
