Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
