That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
