also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
