Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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