bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
