She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
