chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
