Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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