you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
