Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
