I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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