My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
