Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
