I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
