Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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