I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
