Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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