Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
