She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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