I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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