If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
