we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
