we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
