I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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