dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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