He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
