He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The Olympian is in my bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
