if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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