He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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