I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
