Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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