so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
