i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His hands were made for my vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
