Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
