this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
