My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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