I will die if light touches me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
