I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize