We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think people are normalizing furries
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
